Turning One!

Our dearest Armaan,

A year ago, at your birth, your Nana wrote us a lovely note: 

"By having Armaan’ in your life, you have fulfilled one of your ‘armaans’. It was Kivaan’s ‘armaan’ to have a sibling brother. So he got his ‘Armaan’ brother. Now, it is Kivaan and Armaan who will fulfill your next armaan to bring peace and happiness to all of you”

And now a year has passed since that amazing day. A year that was a joyful ride filled with giggles, the first smile, range of emotions including feeling helpless during those weeks of stomach bug, those energetic high-fis, the muahs and by far the best bond of brotherhood! 

You are the apple of your brother’s eyes and for that we feel humbled to have both of you in our lives. These all together have enriched our lives in so many ways – no wonder that the whole is far greater than the sum of its parts! 

A life I had dared not imagine and as I look back at my old life I see how much I have made room for all of the new! Love you our Armaan – here’s  wising you a very happy first birthday my boy! Wishing that you discover all your ‘armaans’ in life and that we can help you achieve them. Look forward to exploring them together!

Love always and forever,

K-Mom-Dad

July 5, 2017

Stronger Together America

Eight years ago, this time, one of my blogs captured the essence of 'yes we can' in its glory form! That day still echoes in my memory amidst all that has changed over the years (for one, I haven't written in a while and two, I am now a mom of two boys but that is for another day). 

With a polling center across from our home, it feels unsettling to think about the possible outcome of election.



And then I have my 6-year old who recently came home from school and commented on how one of the candidates calls all women 'pigs'. So as a mom of two boys, it naturally makes me wonder how much this election would impact their growing-up years. If anything, what this election has taught me as a parent is to ensure the kind of upbringing I should offer them:

- that first and foremost, they will both learn to respect women;
- that there will be 'consequences' otherwise;
- that they associate responsibility that comes with the power to lead; and
- that they eventually would understand the importance of good governance.

In many ways, I have faith that the realism we see today in social media, news channels, movies and more make us come to terms with where we are and that itself would force us towards a brighter future.

So as this nation comes together once again for a moment of change, I hope that the fundamental truth behind the "American Dream" remains intact for all irrespective of our race, religion and origin.

Here's to yet another "Yes We Can" moment America!

Off You Go Dear K...

...into a new beginning and a new milestone!

A little smile and a butterfly kiss

That's all it took to say good bye;

But we both knew that it meant more than just that

as you venture into a new horizon!

As you began full-time from Montessori today, it fills me with mixed emotions of apprehension and excitement. 

Apprehension because of how you (and I) will respond to the change in our routines as you move out of your existing comfort zone. 

Excitement because of a new beginning to a never-ending journey of learning!

This next step means a whole new world for you to navigate and enjoy; 

That you allow yourself to shine; 

that you live each day with gratitude; and 

that it teaches you to follow your heart.

Through this, do know that you are blessed in this journey and that 

I will be beside you each day; 

Cheering you and watching you as you discover all that it means to be you.

That with this beginning I can understand what it truly means 

to have my heart beating outside of me.

"Mumma I did not eat Chicken" - The Veg Dialogue

I wonder what is a good age when toddlers begin to understand the kind of food they eat/are offered to them by their outside world. I would assume that they realize this when they observe food others eat which perhaps may begin in school. I thought it would be a while before my soon-to-be 3-year old would identify chicken or meat as food items. Hence I was pleasantly surprised when K remembered that he did not eat ‘chicken' nuggets that were offered to him at a recent birthday party. (Aside from the fact that he rarely eats anything outside of his 'subzi-roti', I would like to believe he stressed on the 'chicken' part more than the 'not eat' part).

Both A and I were raised vegetarians and hence there is no doubt that we would raise K the same way too. At the same time, the subtlety of handling this issue as K grows up is quite critical vs what we were exposed to as kids. For e.g., it was 'easy' to be raised as a vegetarian in India where majority of our immediate circle was of the same belief. But in America I am often asked how we would handle vegetarianism with K as he grows up. What if he was the only one with 'special meal' plan in his school or that others considered him the 'weird kid' if he wouldn't eat those nuggets? While I know this is the time to explain the concept to him, I want to be careful in the way we communicate it to him.

Since he is an animal-lover, it would be easy to tell him that eating non-vegetarian means killing/hurting animals. At the same time, that just sounds too judgmental especially considering he might have his close friends who are meat-eaters.

For A and me, there was a strong religious connotation to our upbringing but to pass down that conviction is also something that might be out of character for us. Nevertheless, my role as a parent would be to guide K in the direction that we 'believe' would be right for him and us; that I may have to inculcate values in the upbringing in a way that he would still be able to make his own choices, be it spiritual or otherwise; that each family eats differently hence it is important to embrace different cultures but not to an extent that you compromise on your own.

How have you explained such concepts to your child? What has your experience been in having conversations about meat/no-meat to them especially in ways they have responded?

Children's Day

We never really celebrated Children’s Day as Jawharlal Nehru’s birth anniversary when growing up but it was surely a perfect day to exercise our freedom from all the rules at home and school. Here I share a beautifully written letter by Jawaharlal Nehru to the children of India (taken from The Speaking Tree of TOI).

“I hope you will take a long time in growing up” – Indeed!

Dear Children,

I like being with children and talking to them and, even more, playing with them. For the moment I forget that I am terribly old and it is very long ago since I was a child. But when I sit down to write, I cannot forget my age and the distance that separates you from me. Old people have a habit of delivering sermons and good advice to the young. I remember that I disliked this very much long ago when I was a boy. So I suppose you do not like it very much either. Grown-ups also have a habit of appearing to be very wise, even though very few of them possess much wisdom. I have not yet quite made up my mind whether I am wise or not. Sometimes listening to others I feel that I must be wise and brilliant and important. Then, looking at myself, I begin to doubt this. In any event, people who are wise do not talk about their wisdom and do not behave as if they were very superior persons...

What then shall I write about? If you were with me, I would love to talk to you about this beautiful world of ours, about flowers, trees, birds, animals, stars, mountains, glaciers and all the other beautiful things that surround us in the world. We have all this beauty all around us and yet we, who are grown-ups, often forget about it and lose ourselves in our arguments or in our quarrels. We sit in our offices and imagine that we are doing very important work. I hope you will be more sensible and open your eyes and ears to this beauty and life that surrounds you. Can you recognize the flowers by their names and the birds by their singing? How easy it is to make friends with them and with everything in nature, if you go to them affectionately and with friendship. You must have read many fairy tales and stories of long ago. But the world itself is the greatest fairy tale and story of adventure that was ever written. Only we must have eyes to see and ears to hear and a mind that opens out to the life and beauty of the world.

Grown-ups have a strange way of putting themselves in compartments and groups. They build barriers... of religion, caste, colour, party, nation, province, language, customs and of rich and poor. Thus they live in prisons of their own making. Fortunately, children do not know much about these barriers, which separate. They play and work with each other and it is only when they grow up that they begin to learn about these barriers from their elders. I hope you will take a long time in growing up..

Some months ago, the children of Japan wrote to me and asked me to send them an elephant. I sent them a beautiful elephant on behalf of the children of India... This noble animal became a symbol of India to them and a link between them and the children of India. I was very happy that this gift of ours gave so much joy to so many children of Japan, and made them think of our country... remember that everywhere there are children like you going to school and work and play, and sometimes quarrelling but always making friends again. You can read about these countries in your books, and when you grow up many of you will visit them. Go there as friends and you will find friends to greet you.

You know we had a very great man amongst us. He was called Mahatma Gandhi. But we used to call him affectionately Bapuji. He was wise, but he did not show off his wisdom. He was simple and childlike in many ways and he loved children... he taught us to face the world cheerfully and with laughter. Our country is a very big country and there is a great deal to be done by all of us. If each one of us does his or her little bit, then all this mounts up and the country prospers and goes ahead fast. I have tried to talk to you in this letter as if you were sitting near me, and I have written more than I intended.

Jawaharlal Nehru
December 3, 1949

Those Favorite Things

A year ago you were welcomed

into a world that has become your own.

Gandhi for a day - Vora for life;

who knew what your favorite things would be.

A love we felt so strong - in your gentle touch and cries.

Your smiles lift us abound;

the sleepy head that lets us wonder

what your favorite things might be?

And then those times you grew to sense

the things around you;

the songs that make you dance and sing.

Tugging your toys and making faces

that make us laugh.

Books that only let your mind marvel

at all it has to offer.

Feeling so happy when we take your pic!

Could these be some of your favorite things?

The curiosity of not knowing

when things rattle and move and sway!

You amaze us as you learn each step and turn.

These could be your favorite things!

And then there are favorite people to embrace;

those caring looks and loving hugs!

Some so naughty that do delight you.

Some so priceless that time cannot replace.

Eating times are always fun!

Are these your favorite things?

A sense of magic in those very firsts

and moments so exciting

especially those hi-fives and the lovely toys;

With so much to learn - and all that lies ahead.

Oh to those times when you groan,

which the family makes them go away.

So as you turn ONE today,

it makes us wonder

about all your favorite things

and we simply would not trade

a minute of such moments!

God bless you

today and always!

Ma-Daddy

August 29, 2011

First Steps

Knew the moment would come
When you take your first steps;
I had prayed to be near,
To capture your sense of joy,
without an ounce of fear.

Wobbly at first,
With two tiny steps you advanced;
And you knew no fear,
As I greeted you with cheer.

In days to come, you'll walk a lot
And wander paths alone;
I pray again, as now,
To be near
in case there is any fear.

For now, I savor your moment,
And equally rejoice
the last few times
when you'd still be crawling.

- July 29, 2011

The 'Mum' Word

Dear K,

Today is Mother's Day - typically celebrated on 2nd Sunday of May every year here in the US. While its origin is unclear, Wikipedia claims that this day was set aside to honor mothers - for their love and care and hence as an act of expression and appreciation for all they have done and continue to do. I agree, it is a day of commercial value, for now I care little for any such honor.

I never considered myself to be 'motherly' till you came along and clearly, that has meant a lot of changes. Hence I am delighted that I have you as a reason to celebrate whatever little this day means to me as a mother.

More so, I have you as a reason to celebrate what this day really means to me as a daughter.

Through you, I have begun to truly understand the love and care I received from my mom when I was young. I hope I can continue to extend the same to you.
Just like her, I hope I can show you what it means to be a good person.
Just as she has taught me, hope that I can teach you how to love unconditionally, how to enjoy the small things in life, and how to be carefree.
I hope to be the mom that she has been to me and more.

Now that I have you, I understand her more.

I may not always get it right - but expect no less.

So thank you Dear K - for being patient and tolerant as I learn how to be the mother you need and for showing me the mother I can be.

Forever,
Your-Mom-in-Training
&
A-Daughter-for-Life

Hiatus No More

So I welcome myself to my blog after ages. Long time indeed and again, not providing any excuses for the disappearance act. With all that has happened in the times gone by, this blog has surely been neglected and hope to give it some justice now.

Things have surely changed since the last time I jotted something out here – these days now belong to the times of diapers and wipes, poops and drools, pacifiers and baby-sitters, ABCs and nursery rhymes, ToysRUs and BabiesRUs, and the oh-so-predictable eat-play-nap schedule. Of course, who then would ever want to miss out on all of that by ‘sleeping it out’! Leaving that last bit of sarcasm aside, I dedicate my recent past to all of the above and to the overall essence of venturing into parenthood. From hereon, this journey is endless.

Many have asked me to share my experiences of parenthood so far and all I can come up with are those listed above. So while blogging has been non-existent for me for a while, I intend to get back (with ‘regular’ being the operative word here) and hopefully share some enriching moments - discover the full potential of being a parent (3 a.m. cooing, elation of changing Huggies and many more), explore the world from a different lens and mainly attempt to rediscover the person within.

In the meantime, thanks for your continued patience. I will see you soon.

Name Game

Of all things challenging that come as part of parenting, the one to top my list right now is the task of naming my child. Maybe that is because it is the first official act to be committed by us and hence that extra precaution. Yet, in all earnest, this one for sure is to the child's detriment and no matter how hard you whack your brains to ensure the name is most suited to your child and one that will not be mocked at, (s)he is one day going to ask you, "What made you name me __________?" implying, "What were you thinking?"

So as parents, A & I (it is weird how suddenly our perception is transforming from 'being the chid' to 'being the parent') would have to do our due diligence which so far for me has merely involved a reference check to see if that name is available to open a gmail account (an easy substitute for a bank account I'd say!). That part, what does one look for in naming their child? How does that shape a child? Or does it?

According to this article on CNN about a month ago, "names have consequences for a person's job, residency and school grades". If we do go by this, then it automatically adds more pressure to ensure that our kid is not overlooked or considered non-achiever due to his/her boring name - something shortsighted by the parents is it? So in this age of obsessive-compulsive parental acts, we are indeed led to get into the rut of deciding a name that positively, and with all certainty, influences our child's future accomplishments. Easier said but is it required? And what about the gut-feeling that follows with certain names?

And if simply naming wasn't sufficient, there is also an increasing trend of adding a flavor to it - by 'spelling' it differently. So that means, they would be left with clarifying over and over again, to the likes of "It is A-N-O-U-S-H-K-A and not A-N-U-S-H-K-A". Would altering the spelling of the name make the child's personality 'unique' and 'exceptional'? Isn't it asking too much of the child when giving them names that already symbolize such 'uniqueness'? I am not as opposed to such trends, infact, it is quite exciting to go over the whole gamut of naming industry and more importantly, it tells you a little about the pride and love that parents instinctively feel towards their little one.

Yet I doubt it can have any predictive powers over the child. And while I will only get one shot at painting this empty canvas with my choice, I hope it to be simple, pure and uncomplicated.