"Mumma I did not eat Chicken" - The Veg Dialogue

I wonder what is a good age when toddlers begin to understand the kind of food they eat/are offered to them by their outside world. I would assume that they realize this when they observe food others eat which perhaps may begin in school. I thought it would be a while before my soon-to-be 3-year old would identify chicken or meat as food items. Hence I was pleasantly surprised when K remembered that he did not eat ‘chicken' nuggets that were offered to him at a recent birthday party. (Aside from the fact that he rarely eats anything outside of his 'subzi-roti', I would like to believe he stressed on the 'chicken' part more than the 'not eat' part).

Both A and I were raised vegetarians and hence there is no doubt that we would raise K the same way too. At the same time, the subtlety of handling this issue as K grows up is quite critical vs what we were exposed to as kids. For e.g., it was 'easy' to be raised as a vegetarian in India where majority of our immediate circle was of the same belief. But in America I am often asked how we would handle vegetarianism with K as he grows up. What if he was the only one with 'special meal' plan in his school or that others considered him the 'weird kid' if he wouldn't eat those nuggets? While I know this is the time to explain the concept to him, I want to be careful in the way we communicate it to him.

Since he is an animal-lover, it would be easy to tell him that eating non-vegetarian means killing/hurting animals. At the same time, that just sounds too judgmental especially considering he might have his close friends who are meat-eaters.

For A and me, there was a strong religious connotation to our upbringing but to pass down that conviction is also something that might be out of character for us. Nevertheless, my role as a parent would be to guide K in the direction that we 'believe' would be right for him and us; that I may have to inculcate values in the upbringing in a way that he would still be able to make his own choices, be it spiritual or otherwise; that each family eats differently hence it is important to embrace different cultures but not to an extent that you compromise on your own.

How have you explained such concepts to your child? What has your experience been in having conversations about meat/no-meat to them especially in ways they have responded?

Name Game

Of all things challenging that come as part of parenting, the one to top my list right now is the task of naming my child. Maybe that is because it is the first official act to be committed by us and hence that extra precaution. Yet, in all earnest, this one for sure is to the child's detriment and no matter how hard you whack your brains to ensure the name is most suited to your child and one that will not be mocked at, (s)he is one day going to ask you, "What made you name me __________?" implying, "What were you thinking?"

So as parents, A & I (it is weird how suddenly our perception is transforming from 'being the chid' to 'being the parent') would have to do our due diligence which so far for me has merely involved a reference check to see if that name is available to open a gmail account (an easy substitute for a bank account I'd say!). That part, what does one look for in naming their child? How does that shape a child? Or does it?

According to this article on CNN about a month ago, "names have consequences for a person's job, residency and school grades". If we do go by this, then it automatically adds more pressure to ensure that our kid is not overlooked or considered non-achiever due to his/her boring name - something shortsighted by the parents is it? So in this age of obsessive-compulsive parental acts, we are indeed led to get into the rut of deciding a name that positively, and with all certainty, influences our child's future accomplishments. Easier said but is it required? And what about the gut-feeling that follows with certain names?

And if simply naming wasn't sufficient, there is also an increasing trend of adding a flavor to it - by 'spelling' it differently. So that means, they would be left with clarifying over and over again, to the likes of "It is A-N-O-U-S-H-K-A and not A-N-U-S-H-K-A". Would altering the spelling of the name make the child's personality 'unique' and 'exceptional'? Isn't it asking too much of the child when giving them names that already symbolize such 'uniqueness'? I am not as opposed to such trends, infact, it is quite exciting to go over the whole gamut of naming industry and more importantly, it tells you a little about the pride and love that parents instinctively feel towards their little one.

Yet I doubt it can have any predictive powers over the child. And while I will only get one shot at painting this empty canvas with my choice, I hope it to be simple, pure and uncomplicated.

Dhoop Kinarey: A Lost Culture?

Raat yun dil mein teri
khoyi hui yaad aayi;
Jaise wiraanay main,
chupke se bahaar aa jaye;
Jaise sehraaon mein
holay se chale baad-e-naseeb;
Jaise bimaar ko be-waj-ha qaraar aa jaaye!

This gazal is the essence of an epic drama that has laid the foundation of my knowledge of the people, the culture and of the land called Pakistan. Nearly 16 years ago, I was introduced to this series that led to an attraction and likeness towards Pakistan – what little is reflected from this piece of fiction.


Dhoop Kinarey – At the Edge of Sunshine – epitomizes emotions of love, parenting, friendship and above all, respect. Each episode (I remember them as compiled in four video tapes) unfolds unique and special moments that bring out distinct sense of beauty through words and expression. Coupled with the fact that it is spoken in Urdu with an intermix of English adds a specialty that draws you further into the arena of Pakistani family culture – in a surreal sort of way. I had a go at this serial recently, like the nth time, and it mesmerized me in its entirety, all over again. It also made me sad to figure out what little might exist of this fiction in the current day and age in this country.

So the plot revolves around two doctors and their relationship amidst the stereotypical responses to situations. Dr. Ahmar Ansari - an established doctor who lives his life in isolation and for whom the greatest betrayal in life was given by his foster father - and Dr. Zoya Ali Khan - a young doctor, reluctant at first but begins to love the profession gradually, and Dr. Ahmar too. It may sound like a typical love-story of sorts and coming from a bollywood-centric society, sure indeed! But this serial is an act apart. Without divulging into the story any further, what I really want to highlight is the manner in which this drama unfolds and has exactly the same effect on me no matter what phase in my life I have watched it. As a 14-year old, Dr. Ahmar was a symbol of an ideal man and it is not any different right now. The character - completely male-centric (which male isn't) - runs away from the very person he loves and does not spare a moment to malign the woman he has fallen in love with simply because he is afraid to express his love for her. It is also the result of his deep hatred for the lady who, for no fault of hers, is bestowed with his ancestral home that his foster father (her grand-father) left for her. On the other hand is Dr. Zoya's character, bold and free-spirited who stands tall during instances when what matters is one's beliefs and values:

"Main buzdil nahin hoon Anji; par maine jhuk ke kabhi koi cheez nahin maangi" (I am not a coward Anji; but I have never begged for anything). This says a lot about the character.

Despite the age-gap that exists between them, their journey towards maturity, professionalism, responsibility and love, can be viewed with a light of subtlty, honor and innocence. Then there are these other characters in the form of confidante, a friend, the father and a caretaker, that reflect those of a progressive society - a father who supports her daughter's dreams and aspirations, a friend who stands tall when it comes to providing objective and critical judgment, a caretaker who unconditionally showers love and care. And not to forget, the envious Dr. Sheena who flawlessly portrays her character with precision. Absolutely no hamming in the scenes, no glamorous/ornate sets and simplicity to the core! Basically, scenes you can relate to - like the homes you live in, surroundings and people that are believable and leave deeper impact to the language, words and expressions. Some of my favourite dialogues and scenes in the serial:

"Hum Insaan ko makammal daur par na jaan sakte hai, na samajh sakte hain”
[It is during trying times when people can neitber be known nor can they be ever understood]

"Har kaam aadmi apni pasand se to nahin karta, bahut se kaam doosron ke khatir kiye jaate hain; balki mera khayal hain ki aadmi apni behtar zindagi doosron ke khatir basar karta hain.Apne liye to chand se lamhe mil jaate hain; woh bhi itefaak se"
[You do not necessarily do things of your own liking. There are many things you do for the sake of others. Infact, I believe that large part of our lives are spent living for others. For us, just a few moments to live by and that too by coincidence]

"Hum jo kuch dekhte hain, woh zaroori nahin ke sach bhi ho; aankhon ko kabhi khuli daur pe aitbaar kiya nahin jaa sakta".
[What we see may not necessarily be the truth; Although wide open, our eyes cannot always be trusted]

"Zindagi mein bahut si baatein aisi hoti hain, jiski wajah se aadmi ke andar kadwaahat bhar jaati hain."
[Several instances in life lead people to become bitter]

"Hum bhala apni arzooun ke darwazay kaise band kar sakte hain? Ye hamaray ikhtyaar mein kab hain? Ye umeeden, ye arzooien to zindagi ke aainay hain. In mein hum apni tasveeren saja kar, khushiyon ki duniya aabaad karte hain. Phir agar mere dil ne koi arzoo ki, to kya koi jurm kya?"
[How can we close doors on our own desires? Is this even in our being? These wishes, these desires are truly the mirrors of our lives. In these, we create a picture, a life full of happiness. And then if my heart desires someone/something, is it a crime?]

"Zindagi ke jitne bhi morr hote hain na, ye andhay hote hain. Yehi tu zindagi ka husn hai."
[it is a general rule in life that all crossroads we arrive at are blind.]

Zoya: "Nafrat insaan ki achaayion, ache jazbon, sab kuch ko is tarah khatam kar deti hain, jaise jungle ki aag zara si dair main sab kuch tabah kar deti hai."
Anji: "Nahi Zoya, main nahi maanti. Dekho, maine dekha hai, Zoya. Ke zara sa andhera bohut si roshni ko chupa nahi sakta. Lekin zara si roshni sab andheray mita deti hai. Aur dekho, Zoya, nafrat bhi to andheray ki tarah hoti hai na."
[Zoya: Hatred kills every good deed, good thoughts just like the way a fire in the forest destroys everything in an instance.
Anji: No Zoya, I do not believe in this. I have seen that slightest bit of light can destroy total darkness but even a little bit of darkness cannot hide the light. Hatred is just like darkness.]

"Main unki nafrat ka maan rakhongi!"
[I shall respect his hatred]

And my favourite,

"Rona koi buri baat to nahin, acchi baat hain. Jab bohut saara paani barsata hai na to aasmaan bilkul saaf nazar aata hai aur aasmaan par saath rangon ki dhanak nikal aati hain".
[Crying is not a bad thing, infact it is good. When there is a lot rain shower, the sky appears crystal clear and in there one can view the seven-coloured rainbow]

So with such a legacy as set by Haseena Moin, once considered meaningful, memorable and flawless, what has happened now? A Culture lost amidst the realities of terrorism, power and religion? It would be sad indeed to see the death of such art in Pakistan albeit fiction.

Rape Game _ Are we going insane?

Based on my friend’s recent facebook status, I googled to watch this piece of news that not only angered me but also gave me goosebumps to shudder:

As a fan of video games, I have thoroughly enjoyed Atari as a kid and now there is the Wii. But to imagine a game that shows filth and seeks pleasure in such sick piece of animation and simply makes it sound like a ‘video game’, in my opinion deserves to be ostracized. I feel ashamed that our race can even denigrate to such low levels of greed, lust and even dominance.

It is said that where we breed is a reflection of who we are and of our identities. I would not want to comment much on this but the fact that some evil mind that has conceptualized and designed such a horrendous device, what more can be said of such minds.

"If the girl is raped and gets pregnant, you have to convince her to have an abortion; if you cannot get her to do it, you have the option to throw her under a train."

I cannot fathom to think of the pleasure that anyone can attach to such actions albeit virtually. It took some time for me to calm down and accept such form of reality as well but really, how dare someone even seek a market for this kind of sadism? This may sound naïve to those who might have come across this piece of information and many more of such gory instances. To me, watching this news seemed as if we are a human race that truly lack any sense of morality or sense of responsibility – are we people that simply lack?

I only wonder what kind of think-tank would have partnered this act? Doesn't making such devices actually lead to such acts?

Hope my conscience is not alone in feeling the restlessness after viewing this clip.

The 'H' Word

The last 10 days have brought out some rather interesting discussions, debates, rallies and lots and lots of protests towards being Homosexual in today's world. California voters banned same-sex marriage last week; Gay-lesbians and their supporters staged a protest in downtown DC; Indian Cinema had a timely release of its entertaining comedy - Dostana - revolving around two hottest Bollywood dudes who pretend to be a gay couple. Another related report features an Israeli couple who had a son through a surrogate mother in India.

So while this issue of homosexuality has turned many a eyebrows among those prior to Gen X, in current day and age, it has become an accepted norm of existence. Or has it really?? Is it considered a Taboo or has the world become more understanding of the gay-lesbian lifestyle - as seen in the fictitious moments between Ross and Carol in Friends? Is being homosexual immoral? What is it about homosexuality that is considered a stigma in our society? Is it turning against the law of nature?

In ancient India, there have been several references to acts that were acknowledged to a certain extent. For example, Lord Shiva, a revered idol in Hinduism, has been understood to assume female form. The temples of Khajuraho depict homosexuality in a sensual and artistic manner. A separate community of individuals commonly known as the Eunuchs (males who express themselves as woman) have been part of ancient India as much as they are also part of today's society. According to the Hindu mythology - Mahabharat - Arjuna dressed as a Eunuch for a year as a curse. Again, they were (and still are) considered most non-threatening and most often, good luck during marriages and new-borns. Infact, Eunuchs were appointed as close confidantes of Queens and Princesses because they were considered harmless and yet able to tend to the needs.

The culture of today's India is quite androgynous, in the sense that everywhere we look, there is a display of affection among people: men walking in the city with arms around others' shoulders, one woman sitting on another woman's lap or simply holding hands and strolling by. This type of behaviour is seen more as being 'homosocial' and clearly acceptable in the society yet it get incredibly risky to assume such acts as notions of sexual intentions. On the other hand, there is this belief that if you are Indian, you cannot be homosexual! Remember Jaz in Bend It Like Beckham where she finds out her close friend is a gay and she exclaims, "How can you be gay? You are Indian!"

So what is being Indian got to do with the preference of intimacy? Infact, the concept of homosexuality is not even known in the circuit outside of urban India. Hence, it must have come as a surprise (or a shock?) when several months ago, Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil of Rajpipla in Gujarat admitted the fact that he was gay much to the dismay of his royal circle, so much so that he was disowned by his own mother. He leads his own personal life and has now started a nonprofit organization Lakshya Trust, fighting the cause of people affected by HIV and AIDS. But what happens to his wife to whom he was married thinking he'd become 'normal' and that 'no one would know'! On the other hand, it is commendable to come out in the open and admit this reality instead of leading a life of falsehood and simply denying the true behaviour. Back in Xavier's, I had a gay friend who believed that for him it was more important to be identified as a husband and a father than moving to the other side of being called gay. So is being gay really out of choice?

I am not supportive of homosexuality neither am I against it. I fully respect the viewpoint that homosexuality is not right but I do not personally believe that. We live in a world where individuals ought to have the right to their own sexual personality which is merely a single of all characteristics that truly define them. Of course, I wary of situations if my nieces and nephew were to talk to me about this. Infact, I may not be as surprised that they are already aware of what gay means even before realizing what sexuality is. Now that to me is surely unacceptable and dread of such alarming situations.

I end this post with a link on:

Third Toilets in Thai Schools

I cannot imagine such a thing in India for sure but also makes me wonder whether those boys were mocked at...and how bad?