Pujya Baa

My neighbor told me yesterday, “wow you still had your grandmother? You are so lucky.” 

Yes. I truly was.

Baa (my nani) is one of the few women who has left a deep mark in my life - as a baa, as a mother and more importantly as a woman.

Her values on living within your means, on the strong will to remain independent, and on selfishness are something I remain inspired by. Her art of perfection and minimalism, whether in the kitchen or in her cupboard, would put Mary Kondo to shame. 

Of the many many memories of and with baa, my core childhood memory was how she would prepare for our summers in Sudarshan the way only she could:

- We all had toothbrushes with our names on it;

- I don’t know where that came from but I recall saying this with her - “baa ni dikri dai, pappa ni dikri gaandi"

- She would feed us mangoes as if that was the only thing worth eating during those months.

- She would take every single watermelon seed out before feeding us.

- Playing card games like Saath-Aanth and Do-Teen-Paanch were pure joy with her. She would lose every single game!! I thought she did not know how to play. Turns out she knew exactly how to play with her grandkids. 

I wish I had more opportunities to be around her just as she was when I was growing up. I will also cherish the times when she came to stay at Ghatkopar for over a month when mom/dad were in the US. 

Over the years, going to meet her was never an obligation but purely out of love and a deep desire to soak in her warmth, her hug and her care. 

Thank you, Baa for your legacy of unconditional love and of giving. We hope to pass that on just as you did. Love you!

RIP Baa

July 21, 1929 - June 4, 2026

An Ode to Suman (xxxx - Nov 21, 2021)

Although we were not your kids, you cared for vai/harsh/me more than your own;

You showered us with your unconditional warmth and comfort.

No you were not our mom; but your role was just as strong.

You wiped our tears from the edges of your nine-yard saree;

You protected us from many harm;

You fed us our favorite foods; 

You were our go-to bank at month-end when we were low on pocket-money.

No you were not our mom; but your heart was just as Big.

You hid those candies from all our cousins and friends just so we get to keep them all :-)

You secretly gave the three of us more goodies than anyone else;

And no one dare take away any of our possessions!

No you were not our mom; but your over-protectiveness was just as evident.

You cared for every soul that came to our home; from the postman and the mechanic to every single guest, extended family and our friends;

You fed them all; you sounded them off too!

No you were none of their moms; yet such a powerful influence!

We are lucky and blessed to have YOUR kind of love; You showed us what it means to care and to serve; and what it means to do so unconditionally; 

No we were not your kids and still you treated us more than your own;

No you were not our mom; and you showed us what it takes to be MORE than one!

(Our beloved Suman/Taija passed away last week - amidst her loved one, with dignity and a free soul. She fought a good fight and we will miss her deeply. She is survived by her grand-daughter, grand-son and daughter. And by her legacy of care and warmth that she leaves behind for us.)

TURNING 40

Today I turn 40 and that is indeed a good reason to break the silence out here!

I had some ambitious plans throughout the year and while I am still in pursuit of those, here I am, in its true glory. Someone asked me whether I feel "old and wise" – I would say, as old as I have ever been and wise enough to not know so many things.

My dad had shared a wonderful math equation that has resonated in my head especially this past week:

Math of life = “On birthdays, you add one year in your life and you take away one year of your life.”

Math of life on your birthday = “You add one year in your life and you add lots of happy memories + smiles + achievements to be proud of”

I am not a big birthday person when it comes to celebrating my own but it is a good milestone date to revisit the various hats I wore and to reflect on all that has shaped and inspired me into who I am today.

As I look back, I see a blur of my childhood years and some extremely core memories with my family. They have seen me through my best and worst, have protected me, loved me unconditionally, forgiven my mistakes. They gave me strong roots for which I am lucky and extremely grateful!

I was consumed with choices in education, career and relationships. I made new friends, deepened friendship with some, lost some; wish I had stayed connected with some.

I strengthened the dotted lines with new family members through the matrimonial bond.

I switched from owning a landline to cell phones to the iphone. I roamed around many parts of the globe. My defining moments in life came with being connected to Initiatives of Change and AIESEC and soon after leaving the comfort zone to go to Birmingham.

There were moments when I couldn’t care less about my future and then there were times I did worry about my future.

I found true essence of the word ‘TRAVEL’ through its extremes from ruggedness, culture and history to luxury.

I have loved every bit of my career and industry choices so far. I loved working at all the various organizations - some friends even call me by one of its acronyms! I did go on and off but never derailed from the philanthropic track – something I feel passionate about.

I married at a time I feel was right; to the person I deeply love and respect.

I became a mother – wearing many hats through that one single role – and surprised that I am still alive through all those fears, doubts, letting your heart beat out of your own, the pain of losing one.

Now here I am all of 40 today – switched nationalities on paper and lucky to be connected to two strong heritages; moved from Mac to PC and off the career track for now.

As I roll up my sleeve to what lies ahead, I wish that I can make my boys the most successful venture A and I would ever have. Seeing them and rearing them to be empathetic men, philanthropic and strong citizens of the world will probably be the most precious gifts of all.

To my family, friends, my alma-maters, organizations I have worked at/been part of, my colleagues - here’s to you all who made my 40 count! And here’s to the next 40!

And the journey continues..

Moving out brings feelings of mixed emotions - 

Special memories of the place that served us well, of wellness and of gratitude.

While not having family around to share this joy is certainly a major downside, such occasions allow us to dream new dreams and to work to make those dreams come true.

As we look forward to making our own place our 'new' home, it feels special to celebrate this magic! Magic because it is not something that can easily come by on a Sunday afternoon; that it is a privilege to live in a place where no one else has lived; that it took a year to get to this day and hence it makes me feel humble not because of where we are but what it took to get us here. Yes there were arguments and differences and lots of anxiety till the very end. 

And thus, together these are the thoughts worth cherishing and making them worthwhile.

And as the journey continues,

to pause and reflect.

And feel blessed indeed!

Take a Pause

Every morning, my daily commute is a mix of rush hour traffic to the metro, delayed schedules and overcrowded trains. While the body is fighting the morning blues and attempting every bit to stand/sit amidst the commuters, the mind is always rushing through those thousand and one things pending on the 'to-do' list outside work and at work. Hence no surprise that the moment you get off at the metro, it is all about getting on with those tasks asap. 

However there are some mornings, when there ought to be a slight detour. Like one of these marked by a group of musicians – with their instruments tuned to hit the soul at the right spot. It was more meaningful – a unique vibe, an uplifting sound, the kind of music to spring up the morning vibrantly. 

 

They were there to welcome us morning commuters with their tune - a tune that connected us by their chords. When leaving some cash in their case, a sense of joy was felt; it gave a different perspective to this morning; and a feeling of gratitude prevailed. 

I call it - Take a Pause.

 

It has been a while...

...since I last blogged and I wonder why I could not stay committed to writing. This makes me realise that the most dangerous thing a blogger can do is stop writing! It wasn't that I had nothing to blog about but this disconnect turned days to weeks and that into months and before I knew it,  I had hit rock bottom in playing catch-up.

There are times when bloggers like me get interrupted for reasons, more than one, and before we realize it is too late to get back to that rhythm. When I started my photo-a-day commitment, I was skeptical of making it through considering my past record. At that point, I had big plans of covering a specific theme a week/month and while that clearly did not happen, what did continue was a way to seize the day in one picture. It turned out to be a feat for me and I was thoroughly satisfied that I did it!

Just like taking a break from the routine gives you a different perspective, an opportunity for introspection, reflection and clarity, I consider this break from blogging a similar experience. And now as I reflect on the moments that I missed writing about or sharing about, I make another comeback, another attempt with renewed perspectives and to ensure that this long break does not destroy the blogger in me.

And while I gather some of these moments to write about, I do wonder how other writers get back after a break from the writing rhythm? 

If you or someone you know has experiences to share, feel free to mention them.

Till then more to follow soon.

Life Cut Short

It is said that through death we appreciate life and it puts into perspective how we live it. But then how do we deal with the time when a life cuts you short? All of a sudden our hearts skip a beat when dealing with tragic death – and the world stops spinning. That is what happened when I learnt this morning about the terrible news of someone I barely knew long ago – and yet my world stopped spinning for that moment. A vivacious young 23-24 year old girl – recently graduated and about to venture into the prime years of her life; so talented, in fact you would think she is going to go all out and make a difference to those around her and to the world!

Why then did life cut her short?

This is an eternal question that haunts us forever. It is times like these that remind me of how fragile life is; that we are promised nothing for what is to come. What would truly matter then I believe is –

to find those moments each day that make me tick – before life cuts me short

to find solace in those who love me – before life cuts them short

to marvel at the way my family and friends touch my lives – before life cuts them short

and to continue honoring memories of those who have inspired me – as life did cut them short but their flames sparkle forever.

I know - easier said than done - but then again, how does one deal with such situations? I would love to understand what are some of the best ways to come to terms with such instances in our lives. 

My deepest condolence to the grieving parents - extremely difficult to fathom what they would be going through – but I pray that when they reach a point to see beyond this terrifying grief, that they can find peace and love in recognizing the preciousness and that eternal flame their young daughter has brought to their lives.

Steve Jobs

He showed us a way to do things better.

He defined the term ‘perfection’.

He changed the world of music.

He reinvented the business of being mobile.

He pluralized the term 'I'.

He helped ‘connect the dots’.

He gave the world a ‘world’ no one knew existed.

He thanked his ‘extended family’ for making his vision come true.

‘He died peacefully surrounded by his family’.

He Came – Consolidated – Conquered

And thus Changed the world.

Steve Jobs – 1955-2011

May his soul rest in peace.

image taken from the apple website.

An Offline Experience

A typical day that begins with checking the weather forecast on iphone to friends' mood swings on facebook to updated news on twitter and those multiple inboxes and then to repeat the series every hour or so – this digital age does keep me informed no matter how mindless these unfettered browsing might sound at times. I do love the internet – feels like I am connected to the world at large and while I may be a miniscule part of it, I love being a part of it; love that it keeps me informed, in touch and love the fact that everyday I do learn something new. Yet, I wonder if this orgy of digital routine is turning into a growing addiction and that I am actually idling away my time in trivial pursuits. So yesterday, I took the day-off off the internet and leapt into the offline world. This meant no online applications on the phone, no gmail, no twitter, no facebook, no blogs, no TV. The computer was only limited to work-related emails (aka outlook) which could not be forsaken in this economy and to make it easier on A, I did owe him two calls – one when I reached work and the other when I was leaving from work as an assurance that my water had not broken yet.

Considering this offline experience was for but a few hours only (one day ain’t much of cleansing the digital delight), in all honesty, the hour clock seemed to be stuck for long. I mean, I wondered what exactly I would do at work – like the times when you switch between videos windows or those few minutes when I check on tweets while some hideous sized files simply take their own time to open. Instead, not being able to do so gave me a bit of an opportunity to be proactive and also be able to delegate work hours without dawdling.

The day, after all did go by in some mindful activities, a positive feeling towards the end that it did belong to things I wanted to do rather than being slipped into the mundane mechanics of the digital world I so love to be a part of. I also realized that more often than not, with this monotonous browsing I got a lot of information on a variety of things, people, places and still, its meaning was lost in the midst of precision. While I missed out on reading some of the daily blogs, checking my daily posting of C&H and the fact that my iphone kept showing 100 odd unread mails was enticing, I was glad that I felt like leaving them alone.

In this day and age, we do have numerable tools to communicate, to stay informed and they are only multiplying by the day. It somehow breeds in us a sense that we ‘ought’ to be in constant ‘refresh’ mode that there is some urgency to it and we better get to it. But it also means taking the time out to filter the information absorbed into our brain and stocking them in its various compartments in a manner that can eventually be translated to true knowledge. Yesterday was a realization that I do need to take such recesses and that such ‘urgencies’ can wait indeed!

Will I do it again? I do not know that but what I do know is I now have the power to switch on and switch off this digital world when I want to.

Long Gone...but Back!

A complete and utter shame that I haven't blogged in a long long time. I had actually resolved to 'write' quite a bit in 2010 but the year is half-way through to all that has transpired till now. To think of it, I have indeed missed out on a lot - Indian escapades, snowmageddon in DC, the IPL controversy, Icelandic ashes, job uncertainties, home-coming of Jessica Watson, general reflections on fairness, making change, life, death, family and to top it all, the on-going perspectives (newly acquired) on venturing the parental journey in a few months' time!

My saving grace so far has been the fact that not many visit this blog and with such lags, would be duly justified; yet, I am aware that all that is ever on the web is there to stay on a permanent basis so I rather keep myself on the right foot. My main aim of starting this blog was to express thoughts that would help me sharpen my thinking, provide positive reinforcement and that, more than the readers, it would enable me to get insights into all that I write about. So to all those who have occasionally glanced through this page, I do apologize for such a lag and hope to not let it occur in the future.

When I started this blog, I began by proclaiming myself to be a destiny's child. While I still strongly believe in being one, I often wonder whether I am purely a result of my own destiny or do we drive ourselves through free-will to get at where we are? This has been an age-old dialogue with never a black-and-white response yet I have heard it many a times that 'if we do not decide what we want to do (or do not want to do), someone else will probably end up deciding for us'. This and much more to blog about with the hope that what I write would eventually emerge into a platform for insight, perception and dialogue.

Stir the World?

Someone wise once told me that God has a purpose for each of us for which he has already prepared us. I know that more often than not, I have gone astray from my purpose and from the path that I set out on. At times, I feel I am living in a matrix and there would never be a way out. Or that, I simply do not want to venture out; after all this is comforting enough. Yet, there are times where my ideological inclinations are strong enough and that itself lead me to the feeling of actually being outside the matrix. So as I switch in and out of this so-called virtual reality, I do so assuming that I am not alone. Often, this issue of purpose, journey et al figure in my conversations with friends who think that the odyssey of our lives take their own course but there is always a particular 'something' that guides us, directs us and leads us on. Frank Buchman used the North Star as an interesting metaphor in describing IofC's (formerly, Moral Re-Armament) overarching objectives of being the change in the world in that, "We may never reach the North Star but it always guides our path".

In this day and age, it is easy to be carried away with what goes on in our daily routine and take comfort in what we seek around us. However, once in a while we come across instances - what we see, experience, something we reflect on, a complete 'deja vu', or just an act of being - that remind us of our paths, of where we belong, and of where we are set out to be. A video I came across recently has stirred my path, to remind me where I ought to be. I share this with you hoping that you too would be reminded of yours -

Here or There? - The Eternal Dialogue

In our on-going search for a rental condominium, Ashit and I chanced upon a particular one, wherein the existing tenant who was supposed to meet us, was not around but told us his parents would let us in. I would not bore you with the story of our condo-search, or the condo, or even the tenant but just a snapshot of our conversation, with the parents, that has been chasing within the walls of my brain since last night.

Part I

(We walk by the long alley leading to the condo, knock at the door and are greeted by an elderly couple)

Us (they are Indians): "Hello, we have come to see the condo and your son told us you would be here."
Them (Oh, desi bacche): "Yes yes, he called and told us you were coming by. Come I will show you around."

Us (looks like they are visiting his son): "So how long has your son been in this house?"
Them: "About two years. We have come from India to help him move out and possibly buy a house."
Us: "Thats nice. It is a good market to buy a place."
Them: "Yes yes, in the rent you pay, you are better-off buying one. We lived in this country for almost 25 years and yet never know when is a good time to buy. I say, you just buy if you have to."
Us: "Oh 25 years, that is long indeed and you moved back to India now?"
Them: "We lived there for a year but will be between the two countries. My son and daughter both live here; they will settle down here."

Part II

Them (they are like my kids only; let me give them some tips): "Make sure you check this place thoroughly before moving in. See to it that the land lady cleans the condo properly before you move in. The carpet was not cleaned at all and the walls have stains all over."
Us: "Thank you 'uncle', that is really good to know."
Them: "Of course, you are Indians so I thought you should know. Do not tell the land lady I said these things."
Us: "No do not worry. We appreciate you said so we know in case we decide on this condo."
Them: "Yes yes, my son and his friends moved into this apartment immediately after the previous tenants moved out. So the land lady did not do much cleaning or repair. And boys will be boys so they just do not care for such things. They do not even listen when we tell them to check things properly. There is no light in any of the rooms. You have to add lamps, etc. The compressor was malfunctioned so the gas bill was high.."
Us (wow we know more than we need to...that is great): "These things are useful for us in case we move in. Thank you for sharind this with us. By when would your son move out of the condo?"
Them: "By the end of next month. We have notified the land lady and once we finalize the house, we will be out. But these kids do not listen..that is a problem. They just do what they want to do."
Us (can hear our parents echo the same!!): "Our parents complain the same about us."

Part III

Them: "Oh so you intend to move back to India? Why? Make sure you plan well before you leave this country. India is quite expensive and when we go there, you will realize things were cheaper in the US. Hope you are planning well."
Us (We better get going, its getting late): "Yes, we have been visiting often and realize things are different. But our entire family is there and the ties make us want to move back."
Them (oh, how I miss my family!): "Yes yes, I totally understand what you must be going through. Absolutely feel how it must be for you. We did not want to live in this country for the same reason. I was in India before I came to the US. My company moved me to the Middle-East but there were legal issues with my family joining me there and I could not leave them behind in India. When my children were born, I took the offer to move to the US instead and then time just went by. Now my kids are Americans. They have hardly visited India - maybe two-three times in their entire lives. They do not even like it there."
Us (sad..looks like they do not have much company around here and hence sharing with us)

Them: "I tell you, kids do not listen. They are so independent and hardly want to be with us (by now, their eyes are a bit moist). We feel rejected.."
Us (generation gap is it?): "No 'uncle', do not make assumptions; it is not rejection but things just work differently here if you compare to India."
Them: "Yes, yes I know it is not entirely rejection...but they do not want to listen to us. I told my wife just a while ago, "Be calm, there is no point in being hyper". Just a while ago, our son was home and we told him to stay home since you were coming. Heee would just not bother and said, "you guys are around, I am off.."

Us (that bugger, knew you would have done that): "Its ok, we anyways, were here to see the condo and then would talk to the land lady directly." Them: "Yes, but he just took off. See they hardly bother. Things are different in India...when you have people over, you share a cup of tea, some snacks. Here it is sooo diferent. Even to meet your own blood, you need to call them, take an appointment! Kids here do not have strong ties with family. It is just the way that it! Few months ago, my mother passed away and I got a call from my children, "Sorry to hear that Dad" and bang, no words of expression. They have hardly met my mother 2-3 times their entire life. What do we say?"

End.

While realizing there are two sides to this, I never thought I would come face-to-face with this reality. I thought I was only supposed to read them in books, see them in movies or simply hear tales of such instances. Listening to it in first person did leave questions in both our minds when we got home.

1. If we do end up staying in the US for a long time and start a family, will we say the same things 30 years down the line?

2. Is this one of the reasons we want to go back to India? What is the guarantee we would not say the same things even if we did move?

3. Is this even such a big deal?
4. Does it matter where we are brought up or really the 'way' we are raised?
5. Hope our parents do not say the same things about us to others. Have we sub-consciously responded this way to our parents?

I can sympathize with the 'uncle' and 'aunty' and truthfully feel sad for them. And what else can one do anyways? But the way I see it, things do stand different in this day and age. Infact, being in India does not guarantee a bonded upbringing just like being outside of it does not necessarily mean privileged with opportunities. More than the place, what would matter more is the the thought-process in the kind of future I would want to raise a family, places to go to, people to meet, a journey that one is meant to be on rather than assuming it best for the unborn. Hence, I would not want to reason my decision, to stay in a particular place, based on what would be best suited for my child who is not even born in thought.

There were loads of opportunities my parents gave me (and my siblings) and we made the most of it. In that sense, we were privileged indeed! And thanks to the rapport developed between us, we share a fair amount of openness, trust, space and most of all, hugh unconditional emotional attachment. And this is the reason why being in India means more than anything else. Other things just follow suit.

Glory of Love?

My colleague asked me today about Ashit and my plans for Valentine’s day so while I had not really thought about the plans and considering it being the long weekend, all the more reason for us to have decided on some rendez-vous. But then, my colleague and I got into talking about how things seem different now that we are no longer in School and that we have passed the ‘age’ to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Having said that, it made me wonder whether I had really overcome that phase. On the contrary, I think that gnawing sense of expression still exists and frankly I do look forward to it. Not in a manner that can boost our existing economy or by having to shower/being showered by, my husband with flowers but in a way that it becomes a day filled with fun and laughter – aside from the routine existence of being. While it is true that we do not really need such a day to make us realize and value relationships (would not even want to dwell into the history of this day as theories galore on this one), on the other hand, it infact reinforces those pangs of love, happiness and color on moments and times not only shared with our husbands/wives but also siblings, friends, parents. I remember my sister and I would give each other Valentine’s Day cards or wish each other over phone…sounds cheesy? Actually it was cute. On the contrary, when we would do the same to our brother, that poor bugger would have his own sweet way of rubbing off such sentimental gestures aside (not anymore, thanks to his wifey!). At the same time, I do remember those days of endless crushes and the likelihood of receiving 'surprises' from 'annonymous' admirers!

Fast forward to current times and I realize that Valentine’s Day is great if you are newly in love/puppy love or then the most popular kid in School. For the rest of us, we are by now programmed to plan this day with our beloved ones, go out, dance to the concept of gifting, and basically do something that might not be done on any other day for that matter. Now that is something that, in hindsight, I hope to have already overcome – programmed! Sounds like a matrix indeed! Surf the internet and there are countless pop-ups on ‘How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day’, ‘How to top the previous year’s Valentine’s Day’, ‘What is IN and What is NOT this Valentine’s Day’, ‘Top 10 Valentine’s Day Gifts of the Year’ and the list is limitless! Restaurants provide a special Valentine menu on this day so the chances of a-la-carte are minimal unless it is the never-disappointing chipotle. Flowers are triply priced! There are even ‘Valentine Resolutions’ somewhere out there! I would not want to revolt the way this day has been marketed and considered a money-minting gimmick. Infact, that holds true for so many other days - Friendship Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, even Doctor's Day and there is also something called Best Friends' Day - no that's different from Friendship's Day. So why blame poor Hallmark that went back in time to dig out who St. Valentines was? Infact, considering the recent times, I found the 'macroeconomic' analysis of this day by NY Times extremely intriguing!

To me, this day is simply a few seconds of making near and dear ones feel special - if not all days atleast one? - and indulging in the fact that despite it all, Love truly exists in us and around us! This is my theory...what would be yours?

Ring in the New - Wishes from India

Happy holidays, Safe journeys, wonderful reconnection with friends and families and enjoy making new resolutions to all the readers of our blog!

I am grateful for the opportunities that knocked our doors this year and interesting people we met along the way. Do look forward to many more exciting adventures the coming year. While 2007 has been a year of leisure, travel, settling down and reflection, hope that 2008 begins with action, direction and goal for the future. Also hope that the coming year rings in clarity, peace, happiness and love for all my near and dear ones.

More to pen down as I write from my land of birth and growth, a very Happy New Year from Ashit and me in languages of different lands:

Afghani: Saale Nao Mubbarak
African: Voorspoedige Nuwe Jaar
Arabic: Kul'am wa Antum Bikhair!
Bengali: Shuvo Noboborsho!
Chinese: Sun Nien Fai Lok!
Czech: Stastny Novy Rok!
Danish: Godt Nytar!
Dutch: Gelukkig Nieuwjaar!
Farsi: Aide Shoma Mobarak!
French: Bonne Annee!
German: Ein Gluckliches Neues Jahr!
Gaelic: Aith Bhliain Fe Nhaise Dhuit
Greek: Rutychismenos O Kainourgios Chronos!
Hawaiian: Hauoli Makahiki Hou!
Hebrew: Shannah Tovah!
Hindi: Naye Varsh Ki Shubhkamnayen
Hungarian: Boldog Uj Evet!
Indonesian: Selamat Tahun Baru!
Italian: Felice Anno Nuovo or Buon Anno!
Japanese: Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu!
Korean: Sehe Bokmanee Bateuseyo!
Norwegian: Godt Nyttar!
Pilipino: Maligayang Bagong Taon!
Polish: Szczesliwego Nowego Roku!
Portuguese: Feliz Ano Novo!
Romanian: La Multi Ani!
Russian: S Novym Godom!
Spanish: Feliz Ano Nuevo!
Sudanese: Wilujeng Tahun Baru!
Swedish: Gott Nytt Ar!
Turkish: Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun!
Welsh: Blwyddyn Newydd Dda!

Chocolates, Suman and My Nani

Chocolates, my Nani and Suman are my favourites!

I cannot specifically give a name to my relationship with Suman. Some may call her a maid, while others a governess. But I would probably, and always do, say that she is more than a mother to my sister, brother and me and all those who come home. And my nani, well do not for a minute take her for a modern, hip lady wearing a bun on top of her head. No, she is as traditional and old-fashioned as can be.

I find that these two ladies have shaped me in my thinking, the way I am today. In many ways, if not all, I do find myself being drawn towards their approach to things that I would involve in. Of course, in no way can I compare myself with them, as I would be far from being like them at this stage.

Suman, in nine-yard saris (which, even at the age of 57, she washes herself) and my nani in a typical Gujarati sari that is neatly starched, knot their hair - grey and golden respectively - at the back of their necks with a net and tend to celebrate all the festivals and functions that come their way. Somehow, I find that they both have a way with news and current affairs. Not that well aware, but their eyes drink in everything they see. They both could watch soap after soap on TV without confusing the characters in two different programmes.

In their lives, they have both seen a lot - some happiness and at the same time, a lot of hardships. Suman bore a son – who ran away during his childhood – and a daughter who is now a widow. She also lost her husband at a very young age. Despite her meagre resources, she tends to make sure to give her daughter all she can. On the other hand, my nani got married at an early age (typically in those days) and bore three children. She used to live in a joint family with a total of 14 people with a lot of socializing and hosting dinners and lunches. I guess till date, she can never forget those days when she’d be making more than 80 chappattis a day for everyone at home!

A typical behaviour that they both seem to convey is that wherever they go (nani at the park or a social function while Suman usually in the market area), they would have come out having made some good contacts and if we ran into those people after some time, they would usually remember them and ask about them. One of the things I just love about both of them is how neatly organised their wardrobe would be. Suman has a habit of putting together photographs of all of us and her cupboard would be covered with a collage of such collectibles. My nani has an amazing ability of tailoring and mending things, large and small. I only hope this is a genetic component I carry! She has a way of tracing relationships with almost anybody. If she was introduced to anyone from some suburb in Mumbai or even say, any of my friends, chances are she knew some relative of theirs! Some of my close friends would love to chat with her because she has a tendency to make them feel great.

Although I have not been able to spend as much time with my nani, I thank God for those months when she stayed with me as a typical grand-mother while my parents were away. I can never forget those days when she’d take out seeds from watermelon just so that I could eat them conveniently. While Suman, who has lived with us for almost 30 years, has now become an integral part of the family. The house can completely go haywire if she is not around. I remember when as kids we would get a limited amount of pocket-money and she would be our banker who would lend without expecting the amount back! Quite a funny thing I cannot forget about her is she tends to preserve smallest of things from food items to used wrappers to new gifts sent by guests. She thinks we might just empty out the chocolates or use them unnecessarily or give them away. I think it’s the possessive nature of hers than she cannot part with. During the last few years, they have both had a generous share of old-age illnesses that have made them weaker than usual. Despite that, they both can chatter away for hours and inquire about every single of our relatives and friends.

One of the qualities I see myself respecting in both of them is the unconditional giving that they engage in, in thought and deed. To this day, although my temperament can irritably get rude – especially to Suman who invariably makes hot milk for me in the afternoon after several warnings against it – I do wish that I could take my nani to the temple when she comes home to stay, or buy new glasses for Suman and take her out on drives at night to her brother’s home, or just give them both a tight hug for indirectly making me the person I am today. In short, they are both amazing women in their own right and share a legacy of their own!